Self-discipline is an essential skill that parents want to instill in their children to ensure their success and well-being throughout their lives.
However, there are common phrases which, although they may seem harmless, can undermine this valuable learning.
A neuroscientist has identified four of these expressions that are best avoided.
By replacing them with more positive words and attitudes, parents can foster a growing and supportive environment that encourages self-discipline in their little ones.
Below, we’ll explore how these simple changes to our language can transform the way our children deal with challenges and develop self-control.
“If you don’t work hard now, you’ll regret it all your life.”
Generating fear is one of the least effective ways to inspire intrinsic motivation in children.
Instead of motivating, it can be harmful as it increases stress in children. Constantly reminding them of the importance of success can cause more anxiety than benefit.
What successful parents do/say:
- Anima: “You haven’t mastered that technique in judo yet, but you can improve. Look at all the progress you’ve already made!”
- Highlight the positive: “Yes, it is difficult. But if you continue practicing, you will have more confidence to face future challenges and you will gain self-confidence.”
“It is my duty to protect you.”
As children grow and enter adolescence, we cannot always be there to ensure their safety.
If children believe there is always a safety net, they may behave recklessly.
What successful parents do/say:
- They express their concerns: “I’m not comfortable with that, and here’s why…”
- They allow them to make mistakes: Letting your children learn from their mistakes on their own can offer them valuable lessons. Talking about what happened afterwards will give you more perspective.
“I punish you because you need to learn that this behavior is unacceptable.”
Using punishment can give you a sense of control, but depending on investigationNot only does it damage your relationship with your child, but it is also an ineffective tool for changing behaviors.
Punishments only temporarily stop tantrums, but they do not inspire positive behavior or teach children what to do.
What successful parents do/say:
- They speak with respect: “I felt pretty upset about what just happened and I guess you do too. “Can we talk later about how to get a better result if this happens again?”
- They discuss the consequences beforehand: Make sure you both agree to the consequences. Be specific, strategic and reasonable.
“You’re spending too much time on your phone.”
This type of statement does not respect how children interact in their social world, which is very different from ours. Instead of prohibiting the use of the phone, it is better to teach them how to manage their relationship with technology.
What successful parents do/say:
- Be interested in what they like: Ask about the games they play, the people they follow, and the series they watch. Share time with them in these activities.
- Offers alternatives: “I’ve noticed that you haven’t spent time with us since you came home from school. “Would you like to go to the library and pick out new books?”
- Guide rather than monitor: “How much more time do you need to finish what you’re doing? I don’t want to interrupt you, but I also want you to use your phone in a balanced way.”
